2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
