Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
