my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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