just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
