I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
