How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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