thus making me awesome and them whores
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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