Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
