You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
