The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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