Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
