You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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