i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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