There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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