new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize