I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
