She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
