I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
