This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
