Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
