question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
