omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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