so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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