Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
