We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Randomize
