Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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