You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize