im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
do nipples grow back?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
