i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize