Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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