i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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