no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
