Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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