We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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