I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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