I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
