no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
