and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
