Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
