Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
