My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize