That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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