Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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