Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
my liver is dry heaving
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
