I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
