Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
