I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
