He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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