um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
