When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
