were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
