The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
