It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize