I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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