In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
