There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
