I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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