Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
