those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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