It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
