We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
