not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
