i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
