i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
