I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
