You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
