My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
