You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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